Dammit.
Alright. Step one!
Don't do anything. Whatever you were about to to, stahp doing it. Just stahp. You can't really do things with no money, so don't even try. You know all those lists of "cheap, fun things to do in <insert city here>"? Fuck it. No, okay, don't fuck it. That sounds unhealthy. What you have to do is realize that it's all a facade. Become the ultimate pessimist. Nothing is worth it. $2 bowling? Fuhgeddaboutit. None of your friends like you that much anyways.
Now that you have embraced the art of complete failure-ism, you can focus on being a stay-at-home noodle. That's right! Make that box of macaroni and cheese that's been sitting in the way back of your pantry for who knows how many years now. Tell everyone you're sick and you can't seem to find your right foot, which will mean nobody will want you to do anything for them. I mean shit, dude. If you can't find your right foot, how are you going to drive anywhere?
Great! So far we have filled our stomachs with macaroni and cheese, lied to everyone you know, and come to terms with the fact that you are a broke ass noodle. GOOD JOB.
Now it's time for a little productivity. Try to remember what you were good at doing when you were 12. Got anything? When I was 12, I was a straight up writer. I like to consider myself an updated, latest version of my 12 year old self, with more realism and a bit of Spanish classes under my belt, but i digress. What were you good at? Building stick houses in your backyard? Burning things in the oven? Playing hide-and-go-seek with your dog? As the Rolling Stones would say, "Jump back".* Go back and do that thing. Except make it a fantastic, updated, 2013 version. Dig into your real creative or productive talents. Try to find that zeal for life that you let slip from you ever since you started college or started working. You and I both know it's there. Find it, do it, take a picture of it, take a picture of yourself doing a duckface next to it, burn the picture, slap yourself for doing a duckface, and feel the energy flowing through you. When left with nothing, no money, we are forced to produce rather than consume. When I first get paid, that delightful moment when I view my bank account balance, I lose all my motivation to produce something for myself, or others. I jump into a consumer mindset that doesn't leave until I'm drained back down to nothing.
In all seriousness, We can only choose money or time in our lives. Unless you're a freaking pro, and really none of us are.
If you have money, you're probably working hard for it, and you're robbed of time.
If you have time, you're probably not working at all, and you're robbed of money.
The key is to find the balance. Money is important, but it's not what rules our lives, ya know?
So enjoy your money, if you have it. Enjoy your time, for those of you that have that instead.
Buenas noches.
*The Rolling Stones never said that. This is what I call my "bullshit asterisk".
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