*waves hand* "This is not the mini-guide you're looking for"
Those punks think they can just release Dead Space 3 and not tell me about it. Whatevs bro. I'm not butthurt about it in any way. I'll just RELEASE AN AWESOME GAME BY MYSELF AND NOT TELL ANYONE ABOUT IT.
So if you have to convince someone, whomever it might be, (mom, brother, boss, etc.) that you are unfit to carry out whatever top secret mission they assign you, the trick is always in the behavior. In order to put on a facade of intense illness so that you might blatantly lie to another human being, you must first convince yourself that you ARE sick. It's a placebo. Everything's a placebo. God, I could not have picked a better topic for my English 102 research paper.
PLACEBO EFFECTS
HAO DO THEY WORK.
I sound like a cross between a Tibetan monk and a lolcat when i write these things..
I'm just getting over being sick myself, for real, and I find that when I am struggling with an illness of any sort, my avility to spell becomes highly flawed. Like I've already had to press backspace a good 1.3 million times and I'm only halfway through the fucking post.
"1.3 million," you might say? "that's an exaggeration, mackenna."
"Yes it is, my dear critic. I pulled the number from the amount of times you've questioned your self-worth." I might respond.
But I'm not that mean, now am I?
...There's a bunch of women with their heads cocked at a slight angle with very colorful, shiny hair looking at me through slit eyelids on my dresser. How did I end up with so many boxes of hair dye?
Oh wait, I was writing about something. Pretending to be sick. The easiest route is to do something you don't normally do, and do a shit ton of it. If you normally don't make eye contact with people, make a lot of eye contact and have labored breathing. Kinda like you're stalking them, yes. At that point, they should have a response that sounds something like "Please just go back home. You're too sick to work. Get some rest."
They want you to be your normal self.
If you're not your normal self, it's only a short bridge between the neurons in their brain that will tell them you're not well.
So if you're normally a bitch, you should try being really soft and sweet and nice. "How do I know if I'm normally a bitch, mackenna?" "Trust me, dear reader. Take the safe route and assume that you are."
If everyone followed my advice, the world would be such a nice place
Lots of bad ass motherfucking ninjas everywhere
LOOK THERE'S ONE NAO
Oh, and have a remix.
So relaxing.
Go drive through your nearest big city at sunset with your fanciest clothes on and pretend to be in a music video.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mFnqEo9367s
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